Is getting a dog a hack for making community?

Plus 10 recommendations and a not-recipe for tofu that happens to be plant-based

Thank you for all the responses to my essay about the lows of getting our puppy! I have heard from more people than ever before about how much they related to the insanity of getting a puppy. And special thanks to the new paying subscribers—it means so much to me to have your support.

A couple days ago, I woke ripped from a dream about my grandparents’ old house in New Canaan, Connecticut. They’ve been gone for 10 years now and from that house for some years before that. I mentioned to my husband the other day how I wish it were still in the family because it was a place where I always felt like I belonged. The house was set at the foot of a hill and had a vast nature preserve behind it, so when you were in the backyard in summertime, the light was green-tinged and there was a constant sound of crickets. When we visited, I ate peanut butter and bacon sandwiches on whole-wheat bread (trust) on the terrace before ‘helping’ my grandparents in the garden or swinging on the hammock and reading Encyclopedia Brown. In the dream, I was suddenly standing there again, realizing we were able to keep the house. The preserve had been transformed into rolling hills and I felt elation that this special place—forever gone to me as an adult—would be mine again.¹ Then, our door buzzer sawed through the layers of REM. I stumbled out the bedroom toward the front door, remembering I’d forgotten to mention the early morning grocery delivery. Macaroni scratched at my bare legs while I reached for clothing and the day began: K had to get ready to bike to work and I was on dog duty, needing to feed her before a walk.

As I waited for Macaroni to eat, a feeling of dread settled as I remembered the daunting to do list I’d set for the day. Rather than submit to the normal drudgery, I decided to change the plan and head to Crick’s, our unreasonably good local coffee shop that’s a weekend morning fixture. En route, we stopped and chatted with a friendly street cleaner, who paused to give Macaroni excessive love and said she was glad to see such a happy pup after Monday, when apparently all the dogs had seemed blue. Half a block later, we said hello to an Irish Setter, Macaroni’s first encounter since leaving her own Irish Setter mom. She then trotted directly to Crick’s, where she nosed open the door like a regular. Cappuccino in hand, I sat outside and talked with another American who was with her two kids and sheepadoodle. I asked where she was from and she said New Canaan. Insane! I told her about my dream and we continued chatting until our cups were empty. Walking home, I felt like a cartoon character, high on the series of little interactions and how getting a dog has been like a hack for living in England.

The ease of encounters with strangers has been one of the many reasons that getting a dog has been more than just the chaos and lows I described earlier this week, even as it has often heavied my mood and left me exhausted. Walking around with Macaroni has given me a sense of living in a community, something K and I have longed to find. To be brought out into the world is not a small thing as an introvert, and I am grateful to her for that.

Needless to say, treats were involved in this picture

Our brief outing transformed the day from lonely workplace drama into a cheerily lit sitcom, one in which we pranced down the street with people saying hello and many even knowing Macaroni by name. Getting a puppy has transformed a neighborhood in which we were mostly anonymous into a place of belonging. It’s become a ‘third place’—a term coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, which Vox recently wrote about—to describe locations that were neither home (the first place) nor work (the second, though in mine and many cases, they’re the same). Before, I never talked to other people on the street or in the park, being too shy and not wanting to intrude, but Macaroni does that for me, literally, with her eager nose and boisterous nature.

Third places not only offer a place for people from different backgrounds to mingle, attending them regularly allows for connections to build up naturally, the way they did at school or work. For instance, after a few encounters with another local dog owner, K and I met him and his wife for pints at the new pub on our high street. We walked home, giddy to have somehow burst our bubble of anonymity. If you live in a small town or a place you’ve lived your entire life, this might sound mundane. But it’s miraculous to me. Though I’ve hardly left the neighborhood in the last two months because of Macaroni, maybe that she is exactly what I needed to do to help transform what was simply a place into a community.

Thanks for reading! Next time, paid subscribers will receive my mega list of all the products we’ve bought for Macaroni, ranked from worst to best. I promise this has not become a dog newsletter and we’ll be back to other topics soon, including a roundup of the best books I’ve read recently.

Today’s recommendations

Including a new favorite podcast, a beautifully-written novel that will make you laugh, cry, and is a breezy enough read for your summer vacation, and a not-recipe for tofu with broccoli, roasted scallions, and brown rice.